I can’t get enough of my two boys. I love them to bits. In fact, I love them too much I feel guilty that I don’t really want to do much else but just hang with them.
It wasn’t always this easy, the first few weeks after giving birth was really difficult; but by the 2nd month, we hit our stride and baaam! Between adjusting to the new life and finally getting into the groove of this new life, I was caught up in this motherhood trap–And It’s Wonderful. Before I know it, it’s been 3 months and I haven’t gone back to work, or to anything else really. Eeep.
Now I am venturing to enjoy other bits of the world, but it’s honestly an effort. But I have to try! Because you know, there are movies to be made, art to create, and dough to make.
My dear company can only run on autopilot for so long (thank God for excellent staff). The screenplays will not roll out no matter how hard my cat August tries to take over the keyboard. My friends have already given up on us.
I have permanently put my mobile on silent because I have stopped picking up calls. I hardly get any messages anyway anymore (people learn) and my bill has been wonderfully at its all-time low.
My closet is just bursting with clothes because I only wear 3 sets of pambahay and that’s all I rotate. Nothing ends up in the cleaners anymore. The Dude and I go out once a week and even then it’s such a pity to dump in the hamper, since we only go out three hours at a time.
I even love my cats less (Sorry Cubes! Sorry Auggy!). A week would pass without me giving August a big hug. And since I have been exempt from all cat duties, we don’t have as much contact. I hope they don’t end up being resentful towards the little one.
Not that I’ve been a total hermit. We have the occasional dinner date, movie night, friends night out…but it doesn’t feel the same anymore. And the reminder of my new life is not just emotional, it’s physical. By the second hour I’m out of the house, my breasts are reminding me to express (meaning pumped to the childless people out there), unless I endure the pain of it turning to rocks.
But don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy. Sometimes the little man is crying so loud I want to throw him out the window. Thankfully, our windows have grills so it’s impossible. I have perpetual jetlag and I feel my senses are fuzzy all the time. And because I have decided to do 100% breastfeeding for as long as I can, I just can’t go out any time that I want to, but the Dude can, and that makes me jealous for some reason.
It is important to have this combination of three: the little man, the main man and me. Because I have to admit, many times, there are only so many games you can play with an infant. There are only so many nursery rhymes you can invent until he cries. Eventually, we’re bored with each other. So I leave him to his own devices, which is mainly sleeping. So I hang with my main man and we do absolutely nothing and enjoy the things we used to enjoy without the little one. Catch up on tv shows, watch a movie, eat a meal together, among other grown-up things. And after we’re done enjoying our couplehood, eventually we miss the little one and maybe annoy him while he’s sleeping so maybe he wakes up and entertains us.
And so that’s been my life for the past three months. I flit between my two boys and that’s more than enough love a woman can handle. It’s incredible! And passing the time is not a problem at all that I sometimes wonder how I’ll get back on track with the other stuff. Now that it’s been relegated to the other stuff.
And so imagine what happiness if it’s the three of us together. It’s so fun that the Dude and I catch ourselves giggling, knowing what lucky bastards we are to have this life.
“Maybe one of us will die young. This is way too fun.”
We’re morbid like that.