Pinoy Pride
Posted: December 20, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Life Change, pinoy pride, proud to be pinoy Leave a comment »It’s an interesting discussion for me–this idea of national pride.
The latest being the Philippine map on our shirts, our mobile phones, our skin, our precious cars.
We feel so much more Filipino when winners come home with a new world title, a film festival win, a Hollywood contract. We embrace the Azkals, Pacquiao, Brillante Mendoza, and even Charice like our own flesh and blood.
We love bashing the new tourism logo –Pilipinas, Kay Ganda! as if tourists will stop coming because we have an ugly tagline with a stolen theme.
We are adamant at the new designs of our money, which is full of historical gaffes (and really? Edsa Dos?).
I can’t quite put my finger on it but it seems that our pride is always about another object, another person, another issue.
Our pride is vicarious.
And although this does not make it real, I think many times it is misguided. We like the idea of measuring up to others all the time. The Thais are better in advertising, the Pinoys are better in singing than the Chinese, the Koreans are better in filmmaking, etcetera etcetera.
Why do we need a compass? Why do we need to wear our pride on our shirt logos?
And as much as I will be the first to say, why not? I would also like to add why not also just be plain proud.
My uncle loves saying this: Larong buko lang ang alam natin gawin dito.
And the more I get older and start taking my work seriously, it seems that I meet more and more people who can’t just stand up on their own and be proud of what they do and who they are and what and who they love.
As the Dude would say: Everything in the Philippines just feels like a game.
And I think that’s where it begins. To take things with just a tad big more passion and eagerness and pride. Especially pride.
I am a baby shark…
Posted: December 3, 2010 Filed under: Arkeofilms, Kano | Tags: Arkeofilms, filmmaking, Kano, Life Change Leave a comment »I keep seeing this really nice nugget from Margie’s wallpaper: “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” This aggravates me sometimes because it reminds me of things I should be doing that I’m not doing at that moment.
How it would be nice to start obsessing over my next project, but it seems unfair to the one I just finished…But I didn’t know that after you’re done with a film, you’re never really done with it for a good while. There are screenings to attend, questions to answer (why did you make such a film???), speeches, and parties (which are fun sometimes I admit) and all the things that are apparently part of the game.
This is not a complaint but more of a realization that these things really take a whole heck of time! (So maybe I’m complaining an itty bitty bit) It’s really hard to get all worked up on the next thing. I’m not a recluse enough or strange enough to be removed from the normal activities of the unglamorous part of filmmaking- firm handshake, halo! yes of course…hearty laugh followed by intense look so as to project sincerity and good listening skills. I can do it, I will do it, but never losing focus of what to do next.
Because that is the main thing.
If I don’t keep swimming I will drown.
Why does it always have to be the next thing?
Posted: November 11, 2010 Filed under: Arkeofilms | Tags: are clouds blue?, Arkeofilms, art, documentaries, films, happy thoughts, Life Change, sick books, www.arecloudsblue.wordpress.com Leave a comment »One night over frozen margaritas and oily food, I was with the Dude who directs, Beef who’s a photographer, and Seeds who is a painter and pole dance artist. And the conversation started on a cheerful note. And how it’s so much fun to push the boundaries, give it all you got and then ahhh…an exhibit, a premiere, a performance. But then after the ahhhh…moment comes the now what??? moment. And it happens all over again. And then comes Nor, who is a wonderful wonderful actor. And he talks about enjoying the moment where everything is just PERFECT. And don’t we all look for it? Like heroin? That very very rare moment when you know you did a good thing. And you just keep doing what you do to be in that moment again.
I’ve been thinking about that with documentaries and I’m not sure THE MOMENT applies. Perhaps there is this absolutely profound and reflective scene that you just so happen to capture…NOT. Well maybe. I haven’t done enough to know if it’s true.
Unfortunately, the cheerful note turned to anxious as we all went into self-absorption required of all who need to be ahh-tist. Shmah-tist.
But on that note…I’m so excited to do my next film! The progress is a crawl but perhaps because i have not found this seemingly impossible MOMENT that they keep talking about. No a-ha! for me yet but I know this is going to be good.
And because I am a fool for procrastinating, I have resorted to stupid time eating activities so as to avoid the hard work of actual editing. But might as well publish my first amateur study of the poster. I’m sure my more talented graphic artist friends will do a better job.
www.arecloudsblue.wordpress.com
When patience is not a virtue
Posted: March 31, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: happy thoughts, Life Change, patience Leave a comment »
It’s not always smart to wait for someone to tell you that you’re good enough or you’re smart enough or ripe enough to do this or that.
It’s not always smart to wait for the right time to do this or do that.
Some things have to happen today or never.
But which ones?
Happy Birthday Caye!
Posted: March 22, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: caye katigbak, happy birthday, Life Change Leave a comment »Has it been that long, really? Are you going on year three? I almost forgot your birthday…but not quite. Because exactly a year ago, I was on the road extracting myself out of a car that crashed on my way as I accompanied dsj to buy flowers for your birthday. Yup, that was quite a night. But still not quite close to the night we lost you.
I still miss you. Life’s moved on amazingly. I don’t know how it happened even if there was a crack in the universe. I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life walking around it, moving around it, but never ever forgetting that the ever-present fissure ay hindi madadaan sa vulcaseal.
Ewan
Posted: February 3, 2010 Filed under: Tagalog | Tags: Life Change, Tagalog Leave a comment »Kagabi, may nasinghot akong panghi habang naghihintay ng taksi. Bigla akong natawa kasi natandaan kong naihi si Cuba nang dinala namin sya sa Rockwell at hindi na siya makapagpigil. Tapos nalungkot ako kasi natandaan ko yung eksena sa Magnolia nang naihi si Stanley at ayaw syang paihiin nung P.A. na artista sa Desperate Housewives. Kasi may mga kinakawawang bata talaga. Mga ginagancho kasi musmos lang sila. Tapos nagalit ako kasi naisip ko naman yung mga mang-gagancho tulad ni GMA at ni Villar.
Minsan ang brains natin talaga kay gulo. Lahat konektado…pero hindi.
is it hello garci and back again?
Posted: November 25, 2009 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: alamada, ampatuan, conspiracy theory, family feud, hello garci, Life Change, maguindanao massacre, mindanao, Politics, warlord Leave a comment »i’m not in the know about politics. more so mindanao politics. but i do read the papers. and i try to put two and two together because it’s the only thing one can do. such as this horrible awful nightmare of a 57-bodycount massacre in maguindanao. i’ve been there for a total of twice in my life. at the time when the abu sayyaf were considered a gang, there was already a curfew crossing maguindanao to my lolo’s place in alamada, north cotabato. it was not a very safe place in the 90s…but this is another level.
family feuds were always a big deal. and it was always known that governments stayed out of it and picked the winner to help them out. GMA in particular, shared a very special friendship with the ampatuans. when hello garci exploded, “maguindanao” was in the conversation several times. “hindi naman ho masyadong problema sa maguindanao”, garci assured the president who also running herself.
i’m paranoid of course, and it’s always fun to spot a conspiracy. but here are the obvious connections: gma supported the ampatuans. and in several precincts in maguindanao–opposition candidates (including FPJ) got ZERO votes. please. lang. not one person? imagine the gratitude of gloria to the people who protected her interests.
are the ampatuans untouchable because they protected gma in FPJ town? i don’t know how that happened but it did. but how far can this protection go? seriously, kicking them out of the administration party (Lakas) is not impressing me one bit. of course they had to expel him. but. so. what. it was out of survival. ampatuans – you are the weakest link – if you give edu a chance to say it–goodbye.
gma is now looking for a way to get rid of being found out again. she’s really on a bad streak. although she deserves it. but just when she thought people have forgotten the fake apology…it’s all coming back to me now.
it’s frustrating after being glued to the television–between the grandstanding and rising bodycount….we still have to wait for something to explode. we have to wait until may to kick the bitch out the throne.
i will not go to heaven when i die
Posted: October 20, 2009 Filed under: movies | Tags: after life, brief history of time, death, happy thoughts, Life Change, movies, Reading list, robert heinlein, stephen hawking, stranger in a strange land 1 Comment »
Sometimes it just happens and something articulates for you. And in this case the AFTERLIFE. This has something to do with the story of a human raised as a Martian who returns to Earth, together with the blackhole theory.
Thank you to Robert Heinlein for ‘Stranger in a Strange Land’. And Stephen Hawking for ‘Brief History of Time’ (also Errol Morris who made a great doc on it).
I believe in the afterlife. I believe there is a higher being. But suddenly heaven and hell is no longer a clear cut division, they’re levels. In the same way that the black hole is not exactly black our spirits are not exactly spirits.
When we die we get absorbed into the collective energy of those who have gone before us. Dead Monster is no longer Monster because she does not exist.
There is a dimension in the universe that we don’t see because we’re limited by our bodies. Hawking kept on investigating the blackhole because he couldn’t believe that if you drop an astronaut in the blackhole it will just disappear. He just couldn’t. And that’s how he figured out that the astronaut as we know it DID disappear but it comes back…as radiation.
The consciousness that we so hold in high regard is the one thing that every religion promises will remain after death. I’m not discounting the fact that there might be consciousness…but not of spirit or soul or anything individual. It’s impossible. Consciousness is still coming from the brain…which dies with us.
I think it’s more like particles moving together like the blackhole that collapses, sucking in that astronaut and eventually nuking it.
Am i going to be excommunicated now?
School not cool after all?
Posted: October 17, 2009 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: educational system, ken robinson, Life Change, school is cool, university Leave a comment »I believe in education. Don’t get me wrong. I do know that it is the most popular thing to inherit from middle-class parents. “Edukasyon lang ang maipapamana namin sa’yo” is a line that will make you realize that there are no haciendas and vacant houses that they will give you when you eventually grow up and help you get started. When I was young and foolish and sick of hearing the only thing I will get from my parents, sometimes I wished they just let me exchange education for cash. Kung pinera ko na lang sya baka kumita pa’ko. We’re talking about over a million pesos here, right?
But now it’s not so foolish. Now that I’m wiser. With diploma. The idea of encashing tuition. Because how many subjects just went in over our heads? 70%? 80%? If I had just worked on basic math to learn how to compute my grocery and shopping list. Basic geometry so that i know the difference of a square from a triangle. More accurate Philippine history than advanced Algebra. More Philippine literature instead of memorizing the scientific names of plants and animals then it would’ve all worked out for me!
Let me digress. School is cool pala. I mean, if not for school I’d have less social network friends and people on my phone contacts. It is also the best place to collect boyfriends and friends for life and mentors and all that….
But the education…the education is becoming dated. Which is why more and more mothers are home schooling their kids. Kids are knowing more about stuff than actually learning about stuff. Especially here. If not for my father, who loved geography, I would not have known WHY it is important to know where countries are located. As I was agonizing over cities and countries to memorize, my father explained a great many things about WHY they want us to know these things. For example, we have to know that Africa is not a country (so that when you decide to run for the Vice President of the most powerful country in the world hindi ka mapapahiya) and that borders are just made up so that there’s a reason to fight over them. The WHYs are always important. And yet, I didn’t get that so much. Or when we did, they’re just wrong. One crucial example is “Why did the Spaniards conquer the Philippines?” Textbook answers: (1) To spread Christianity; (2) To spread civilization; (3) To exchange goods (for our spices?!?). Duh. What’s so wrong about saying they just wanted to take advantage of our hospitality and get what they can until we run dry? It’s history right? I mean they don’t run Makati or any major corporations or own large tracts land now right?
We have to harness the potential of a kid. Harness creativity. Imagine all those down and out kids who can’t do good in school. People! They do not have a learning disability! We just didn’t have the time to find out what they like doing.
The point being, education needs an upgrade. Computers do it all the time. Books need new editions. Why can’t the curriculum? We need primary education to survive in life…not to get in a university.
Still not convinced? Well, you can listen to him. He’s funny and exponentially smarter than me. Sir Ken Robinson talks about how school kills creativity.
In case you get to read this
Posted: August 10, 2009 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: happy thoughts, Life Change 1 Comment »
your last birthday with me
Hey Dad,
For your birthday dinner, we went to Mongkok with the whole gang. We even had spaghetti and pancit at Loyola and someone ordered mami for dinner. Long life daw…why diba? Sayang you couldn’t make it. I’m sure you and the rest of the peeps must have had a terrific party. What did Cory give you? How’s she fitting in? Give my love to Caye and Lola, of course. Lolo’s not missing her too much because he keeps saying it won’t be long… about maybe a couple of years. He doesn’t mind reaching 100 years old (3 years from now) but he said he’d be worried if he’d get any older than that. Sabagay, who wants to be a farmer at 101 years old?
I really miss you na. Sana you have a landline. The telepathic thing is getting harder and harder to do as the time passes. Don’t know why. I think I’m losing my powers.
