My Life Sucks

Sometimes the universe just wants me to suffer. First of all, why do I have to go take that all-expense paid trip to Amsterdam? Ridiculous, right. I attended IDFA, my favorite festival to be with goddamn wonderful people. And of course I’m stuck watching documentaries for five days and I have to help decide who should win. I mean, come on! Not only that, my favorite person in the world has to be there with me and just go for a stroll around the city (or three), with no real agenda. So we thought what the hell, we’ll just play hopscotch:

When the dude and I got sick of Amsterdam, we decided to fly out to some nondescript city like oh, Prague. I don’t understand why every block has a beautiful building. We decided to visit the biggest castle they have which was so awfully grand that we took the whole day just checking out the sites. There’s a hall full of armor suits and spears and such. I just felt like it was such a waste of armor and the ghosts living inside them must have been bored to death with all these tourists just staring at their costumes. So I tried to stir their energy:

CHAAAARGE!

I wish there were less things to do in that castle but it was just a chock full:

There was a film buff who once lived in the castle's squatter territories.

Against that dramatic backdrop, how sappy huh?

I actually didn't know them but they were so cute and bubbly they posed with me.

What awful timing we had, too! Christmas in Prague meant giant christmas trees and old men singing PA-RAM-PA-PAM PAM. I had to take this picture because this is what I thought, in my colonial brainwashed state, what Christmas ought to be: white people wrapped in fur, choir singing in a public space, the smell of sweet hot breads and christmas ham. When I was here I was kind of sad that I couldn’t wear my fake Havaianas. (In which case, I’m glad I didn’t bring because I was stopped at the airport and Customs wanted to check if I had with me fake Nike or Adidas. To which I replied: “BUT I’M NOT SPORTY!” Perhaps it was the holiday cheer, but he did let me off the hook, wisecrack notwithstanding.)

Bah humbug, more holiday cheer.

Here’s the kicker. There’s this hotel that the dude booked. He said it was a little pricey but the reviews were good. And where did those extra euros bring us? To this castle turned slaughterhouse turned hotel called Le Palais. The service was amazing but not cloying, the room was cozy with a really high high ceiling and a king-sized bed with separate down duvets because they’re observant like that. They even had a free mini-bar that they’d restock the next day they clean your room. Now why would they do that? They even bother to leave chocolates on the bed to probably make us fat. They also had a great breakfast spread and a 24-hour bar and study where you could read and smoke to your heart’s content. We just didn’t have the time anymore but they also had a spa with some complimentary massage or something time consuming like that.

And so that’s how life is really. Sometimes it’s just too much. Too much in fact, that we even snuck in a day trip to Antwerp where we had waffles, fries and chocolate, because that’s the only thing I know of Belgium. Apparently Tintin too but I didn’t like the movie so much. I also decided to not post pictures because internet is so slow and posting pictures is so complex. Just know we had an annoyingly good time.

So there. I hope your December is as sucky as mine. I hate my life.

                 

I'm not sure if we were trying to be in Amazing Race or Mission Impossible. Either way, no resemblance whatsoevah.